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Funny English


Some products like this one from Kyrgyzstan might not sell very well in an English-speaking country.

And speaking of tickling... how about this incredible soap? Great for children with older siblings.

The back label states: Contain lavender and various herbs essences, the geniality is cleansing, the ability is valid the growth that represses the insect of acarid and microorganisms breed, raising the skin knot organization and last the anti-virus ability of the skin organization, scratch an itch to the skin, the tide red, etc. phenomenon rise compare to repress the function goodly.

The equilibrium skin PH value, the grease that refrains from rash action the excess secrete, promoting the cell to live dint, expel the miscellaneous quality of skin, provide fo the skin to nourish and protect extremely good, attain cleansing, keep the skin fragrant and clear.

Be careful when you use this product as it may have a few side effects.

More delightful snack package poetry.

This dainty beef package contains way more detail than we really need to know about beef (see detail below).

I had no needs until the Lotus Hotel made them!

There's nothing better for a child than an amusing duck (with a strong sense for playing).

Yet another romantic cookie package.

Who would have ever thought that romantic love could be crystalized?

How a kind of mascara can bring infinite romances, I'll never know.

Here are some cookies for those who are really piggish about their eating habits.

What do you like to eat with your stewed scallops?

How about a line of toys for kids that are guaranteed cancer free?

These people are very serious about their cosmetics...

We constantly bring the delicate serious of cosmetics to share with you for hanks of support to us.
You can feel at ease to handle every product in wonformit with cnantry safety standard.
We sincere and hoest attitude toward serving you: You can replace if with the agent if any of flaw.

Some bees just don't have a clue.

I guess this snack is just too boring to eat.


Here's a powerful ad campaign we discovered at a local shoe store.

What a lovely poem we found on a bag of snack food.

Look for to return
the yesterday to fine recollection,
demand contain a heart for well feeling.
Open the heart, with quiet attention tasty,
fine life in the each a moment!

Here's an appetizing product...

This catchy advertising slogan entices us to buy a bag of almonds.

When you try it the first, you will feel it specious.
When you try it more time, you will like it more
and more. Then, you will find out that it is
really the delicious snack fit you.

Here's an appetizing new shape idea for a snack food.

This bit of advertising comes from an herbal tea package. We're not exactly sure who's folks they are referring to.

The folk's secret recipe. Made up with scie-ntific prescription. It tastes cold, bitter and sweet. Dispelling fever and measles

These two products appear to be so much more than simple snack foods.

Who would have thought that grapes could have such a profound effect on men?

And coconut? Watch out for that dainty cyclone!

This beef jerky will set your heart to eat at rest...

This product adopts the ox put out to pasture naturally in mountain area. Thought thoosing the first class beef, carefully picklled with the natural plant stices, processed with the unit traditional craft. Color, smell, taste is various. There is not any chemical preservative or tigment. You can set your heart to eat at rest.

These crackers are guaranteed NOT to clear your palate.

Don't you just want to run out and buy this coffee?

Classic Coffee

That is the long-cherished dream that the special taste. Now it comes up really. The special taste is better than I can tell.

We didn't rush to purchase this item.

A good example of a simple translation error. "Clip the heart" should have been translated "Filling in the middle."

Here is a new kind of shampoo that does lots of interesting things to your hair.

Latex hot oil remove bits shampoo

Contain Climbosai and Jojiba oil, downright eliminate hair dirt, be good for wipe off remove, prevent stop itch, protect hair radicel, accelerate hair develop; tend accept empoison hair dye marcel electricity hair grade diathesis damage hair, orme hair lightness elegant.

Append blue-chip genuine pearl distill fluid savageness aminophenol, VB5, and Sil Oil hot oil essence ingredient, reinforce hair radicle hair tip need nutrient moisture, and hair exterior shape luster film. Scorch, kick pleat, desiccation hair impartation all-around moisten tend, shampoo at one time, achieve hot oil effect, hair smoothness brightness, one comb to the death.

Here are some fun instructions for using a "whistling kettle" (sounds like a lot of hogwash to us).


The products are made by top quality stainless steel which is imported. And the products have been refined with the functions of resistant corrosiveness and durability. They are sanitary and harmless to human body with elegant appearance and brightness. They are equipped with auto-alarm whenboiling.

High frequency induction technology is applied for the purpose of protecting the base and extending the service life.

They can be used as an electromagnetism stove and gas stove.

The products should be put in to hogwash (about 80 percent of the volume) for the first time of use. The hogwash should boil from three to five minutes and then clean it.

Don't run into the buzzer to avoid deforming when opening the kettle lid to clean. Wipe off the water when installation and don't fasten or loosen the screw on the kettle lid. Please check whether the buzzer is placed on the opposite or not if no alarm can be heard when boiling.

Please adjust the handle straight and not slantingly before boiling the water. By doing so. you can get a better alarm result and keep from burning your hands.

The flame should not come out of the edge of the kettle when heated on the gas stove.

This bit of instruction comes from a laundry bag label, which seems to recommend taking off your clothes before you put them in the bag. Good idea.

To prevent from clothing damage shape alteration, broken stitch and button or other accessories' take off.

Here's some wine that's guaranteed to make your lips, well, pretty.
The slogan at the bottom of this wine label says:

The wine was made of best grapes in the world. And with internal advanced technics. It is clarity and has full-bodied fruit-smell, Vinosity, and longaftertaste

Below is a product description from a box of chocolates with a rather, uh, strange name...

Endo Sanctum Chocolate

delicious with the pure Belgium flavor,
like snowmountains of Alps,
Sunshine is diaphanous and luscious,
too aroma, too dense,
So softly in arm, Romantic mind,
Dewse lovely, For longer, For away...


Here are two kinds of candy from the same company with some memorable names. The slogans in white on the package on the left says:

How delicious can not forget, special taste, return the true flavor. Give you the memorable feeling.

When you try it the first, you will feel its specious.
When you try it more time, you will like it more and more.
Then, you will find out that it is really the delicious snack for you.

To all our fishermen friends: this is not a snack you want on your boat.

Here's a snack food that encourages the consumer to live a righteous and blameless life.

Could these be the official Harry Potter cookies? I don't think so.

What is a "plume"? I don't know. But this girl seems to be enjoying them. Note that the Chinese words at the bottom actually say "lover's plums".

Here are some actual Menu Items from the UBC Coffee Shop in Nanning:

  • Chilly Chicken Wing
  • Deep Fried Tard
  • Spare Rips Noodle
  • Pork Peeper
  • Fired Galupa
  • Grilled Sping Chicken
  • T-bong Steak
  • Milk Shake With Hinced Ice
  • Jumby Bean Pearl Shaved Ice
  • Double Favon Juice
  • Kice With Cared Mea Fish Ete G.D Style
  • This candy goes from ordinary to flashiness!

    One day a friend needed to kill a rat, so we introduced her to this effective product. Hey, doesn't "Putrid Corpse" sound like a great name for a rock band?


    Except that raos steal grains, bite furniture and wires, do damage to buildings, pollute the environment, rats are enemies of raising chickens, pigeons, quails, and so on. Seriously, plague often endangers people's life, though poisonous bait is effective, putrid corpse will pollute the environment seriously, In order to wipe out rats and protect environment, now our company produce world standard "KD" brand sticking rats glue. please have atry.

    Directions and items of attention:
    In the evening, put the glue at the place rats place rats passing by. In the morning, fetch them with tongs. Fold the glue, kill and bury rats put the glue in plastic bag and seal it. The glue should be put a little far from water sources. prevent the glue from dust. please recognize "KD" brand for fear that you are cheated.

    Here is an ad for a BBQ we picked up at the local five star hotel...

    Brazilian Barbecue Festival

    The decorations with extremely possessing the South America feelings and the intensive Brazilian samba music will make you were in the beautiful and fertile country -- Brazil. The well-dressed chefs themselves will serve the delicious barbecued food in front of you, and attentively shuttle back and forth between guests. Moreover, tens of salads, cold cuts and hot dishes of South America taste are of your free selections. Let you fully have a great taste of the South American style food.

    Here's a pack of crackers that have vegetable with... with... with what??!!

    This description comes from the back of a bag of Eight Treasure Tea. Note that the savageness is both famous and costly.

    Product Introduce

    This article is expert of preserve one's health tea according to clear fill combine of exoterica, empolder develop ec-clear and that not false of clear and cool drink.

    This article is handpick nothing pollute materials of savageness famous and costly, by way high-tech destroy bacterium, afterward edition binding; that color bright, clear and sweet, clear larynx, gout beauty, is disappear heat of season, blocded shot of winter after ideal of all constant drink of tea.

    Directions: Put a small bag of this product into boiling water and drink, two minutes later namely drink to you.

    Have you ever gotten amorous feelings from a package of oatmeal? Apparently Australians do.

    Our leaps forward from Australia to China

    Adopting the world-known Australian grain and food technology quintessence, to process refined high quality oats, de-fatted milk powder, malt powder into nutritious drink immediately pouring and dissolved, It is rich in protein, vitamin, mineral nutritious elements to fast complement body's demands. Life needs sunlight; breakfast can not be lack of nutrition, a cup of sunlight drinking, let you accept Australian amorous feelings.

    There seems to be a unique side effect to this brand of raisins. I don't know about you, but my family gets enough agitation on its own.

    These directions appear on a box of dried Longan (a fruit with nourishing function):


    Longan, a special local product of Guangxi, is a kind of high - quality nourishing food. Its nourishing function was recordeb in Compendium of Materia Medica longag. Through modem study, it is prove that the longan contains protien, vitamin and solubility sugars, and has nourishing functions of anticancer, dropping the fat to protect the heart, anti-senility, improving growth and development, strengtheming the unpeculiarity immunity, enriching the blood, tranquilization, and improving and preserving looks.

    Aside from the unappetizing brand name of these cookies, note the fear in the customer return policy:

    This product description appears on the back of a package of yak jerky:

       A thousend yearsice and snow nourishes the magnificent Zhongdian prairie. The snowmountains and plateau, which is not any impurity and pollution, has the wide prairie and themany groups of cattle and sheep, and be called The Shangrila-a fictitions land of peace.
       The yak. lives in the plateau with an devation of 4000 metres. It is a semi-domesticatedanimal. It eats not only the grass but also the natural medical plant such as the Chinese caterpillar fungus(cordyceps simensis), the wild pseudo-ginseng, the potentillar auserina, etc. So the beef of the yak is the fresh and tonic with delicious taste, and is the best green food.
       Yunnan Weisong Food Industry Co. Ltd, which is located in Diqin Zang Nationality prefecture, is a Sino-Foreign joint venture, selects the highquality beef of the yak, and produces many kinds of "XUE ZHEN" brand the dried beef of the yak that they have the unique savours suchas the hot, the fragrant, Guangdong savour and the gold sliver etc. These kinds of the dried beef of the yak are your best chioce in home, for your guests, intraveling, and as the gift.
       Welcome to taste.

    Just try to figure out the meaing of this slogan on the front of a notebook:

    Flabby life invigorates no sparkles of youth.

    Heres's a food product label with an interesting new word:

    These two advertising slogans below were found on rice porridge labels (I especially like the second one):

    How to convenience is too long tell, it is unable to keep off the sweet smell.

    "Traditional Flavour, Endless aftertaste."

    Here's a few quickies:

    Eight Treasure Rice Porridge main ingredient:
    Glutinous Mice

    Double Lion King Battery
    Caution: May explode or leak and cause bum injury.

    Here's a nice product description for an electric warmer made in China:

    Flower Bridge Brand Enamel & Stainless Steel Electric Warmer Instruction

    The warmer will preserve heat when being energized for a short. time It has the atuo power-off function to stop energizing when getting to the fixed temperature, or when temperature gets too high. Ten minutes would be enough for the energizing and this would only costs you. The warming time will vary from 2 to 4 hours with the different surrounding temperature. under the quilt, however, it will last 6 hurs long. It has the features of short energizing time and long keeping warm and sending off heat time, on electricity on when being apiplied, beauty and durabijity. The warmer consists of insulating structure of product 1 per standard for the safty of household electric appliance. It is really safe, convenient and economic.

    This warmer can be widely used. In place of hot water bottle, it can make your hands and body warm-up, and can be used to heat up the guilt before you go to bed.

    Wouldn't you just love to buy a blanket that had these words on the label:

    Tender Feeling Warm Myriads of Family

    Or a notebook that says:

    This is the most comfortable notebook you have ever run into.
    You will feel like writing with it all the time.

    On a card in a fancy hotel:

    Sauna Gymnastic Centre

    Our centre adhibit the most advanced equipment of Sauna in the world at present, and all cold, hot, iced, warm water function massage bathtub are untroled by computer. We offer chinese tradictional medicine, spily milk, healer foot, gymnastic, gentlemen's parts, lady's parts etc. We also ofler chinese, H.L.'s, Tharland's massage and so on. Our centre is nice whiter to release bahadur from journey's tired. And improve your healtly.

    Our centre's whole employee will expect your presence with our whole zealous.

    On the back of a laundry soap package (note how they like to use the word "article"):

    Description for performance

    This is a product of the trend of the times to be provided with "Active agent" of high purity and auciliary washing agent of high efficiency, it is very strong in a capacity for cleaning and upto three-four times stronger than the common washing powder.
    1. This article may not damage dress materials and the fabric shall be especially whitened by it.
    2. This article has extremely strong cleaning power to the dirt and stain. It is easy to rinse, to economize water and to save time and effort.
    3. This article may be used both in hand washing or in a washing machine.

    Description for washing powder volume:

    This article is high in cleaning power. A good beneficial result may be got by the use of a proper quanlity of it.

    I don't think this brand of potato snacks would go over too well in the States.

    We love this advertising slogan on a cookie package:

    Confidence of creating deliciousness.
    This tastiness can not be carried even by both hands.

    Believe it or not, this brand of peppermint is still sold here, although the toothpaste name by the same company has been changed to "Dar'Lie". Don't ask me what that means.

    This product description is found on the back of a bag of powdered milk:


    The Gucheng de-fat light milk powder is made of fresh milk that has been get rid of fat from it with advanced technique and technology. It is low fat, high protein, and rich contains inorganic salts and vitamin human body need, it is the best food for your family and even more middle-aged and olds.

    Finally, we have a delightful box of saltine crackers with no funny english at all. Just a bit of western culture applied in an unusual way. What's wrong with this label? Hint: when's the last time you had saltine crackers for breakfast?

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